Defeat

It's so weird how we can do so, so well. Only to be defeated, all to often by ourselves. By our own stupid weaknesses, and losses. And all we can do is pray we don't make the same mistake again... Even though, so often, the mistakes we make are the ones that we repeat. The ones that really hurt you. The ones that you don't want anyone to know about. The ones you can't tell anyone about. The ones that affect you, no matter how much you try to forget them. Even if they don't seem too significant to others.

Why is it that I must go through this same old story again. And I know it's my fault. No one else forced it upon me. Though there might be some people who are always there urging it on, no one can ever really make you fail. I am sorry for it honestly and truly each time that it happens. And yet I don't ever seem to be able to overcome it. So often I think it's because we fail at giving certain things to God. So we fail at achieving full freeness, and relief. And it's not because he doesn't want to offer it. He does. So very much. And it pains him to see us fail. Especially when he sees us fail, and it hurt us because we failed ourselves. When part of the process involves us just forgiving ourselves and letting ourselves over come the pain and the utter embarrassment of it all. But his love still shines through. Proving itself over and over. All we have to do is realize to just fully let go, to overcome.