Candle

So there are few times that I am speechless in my life. But when I found out that one of my friends died, I did find myself at a stand still for words. All that would come out of me were tears. So this is for you my friend.

You bore your candle with dignity and a way that many are jealous of. Winds blew, let's not joke and say they didn't. But you knew how to handle the wind, and never did you put the bushel over your light. You let it burn bright for all to see around you. We wonder where and when our wick's end will come, but we never expect them to come at such a time as this. For such a short time your candle burned with a passion many beings never seem to experience in a life time of existing. For you didn't exist, you lived. Everyday was new and it was the promise of a new beginning, and you knew that. You carried your candle to the very end of the road, an unreasonably short road. So with heavy hearts we say goodbye to this bright light.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." -2 Timothy 4:7

Dedicated to Kari Wynn Denson 1991-2009

Christmas

Thinking about this Holiday season and all the feelings, thoughts and emotions that come and go with it. I don't know how to describe this day but I am going to try in the next few sentences.

Another Christmas has come and gone. Things don't seem too different than last year, but at the same time it feels like another world. Many worries have come and gone while others have been introduced, new and unknown. But on this day that just passed by I can't help but smile in spite of any clouds that loom around and about me. These clouds, all of these, just seem to fade away ever 25th of December. Where a broken family is made whole again, and hurting hearts are mended. It's the one day where it's ok to be as childish as you can be, no matter what your real age happens to be. A joy so unexplainable, untouchable, but ever present seems to soak this day through. Permeating it through and through. What's the cause of this happiness? One might stop to ponder this when thinking about this, most blessed of days. This is the result of a love that was more than love that brought a peace that no other has ever been able to measure up to. It's the day a baby came to earth, a God-King in his right but he gave it all up. So that we can see this, the glimpse of the Father's Heart.

Then the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of a David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger." And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!" -Luke 2:10-14

Yahweh

So, I was listening to the song Yahweh by Hillsong today; or well sorta I was watching an exerpt from the Faith + Hope + Love CD/DVD. And the preacher was talking about what God's name means. I love how he said that in the bible God has over 270 names. That got me to thinking about how our names mean so much to us. Our name is what gives us our identity. Thus explaining why having one's identity "stolen" is such a big deal. But our God the one who made us can't even be summed up in one name or title; because if you were to sum him up in a word it wouldn't even come close to explaining who he really is. How is that for awesome? Besides, even if this wasn't even a point look at the meaning of his name(s). Like Jehovah Shalom, Prince of Peace! Jehovah Rophe, healer! His name(s) speak his love and mercy toward his creation. It shows his never failing love and how it has remained constant throughout the centuries, no matter what regimes have existed upon the earth. He is El Shaddai, God all sufficient. And I don't know about you but I need an all sufficient saviour, because I am weak and weary and life can get me down. But he is there from everlasting to everlasting. And when we need someone to lean on and to feel whole in he is Jehovah Nissi, the Lord our banner! And due to what he did some 2000 plus years ago he is Yeshua, our saviour. Who never grows tired or weary. That's the God that I serve.

"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulders. And his name shall be called: Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." -Isaiah 9:6

Desperate Need.

As of lately very few things seem all that permanent in my life. I am so worried at times while at the same time I am excited. I am just trying to remember the excited part right now and ignore most of the worry. Oh and as for the picture with this, I thought hey everyone wants something or is after something. And like Dorothy we just need to ask, only we just need to ask God.

In a state of loneliness and fear, I am found. In a cocky tone I ask: Where have you been all this time? I was hurting and no one was their beside me, I was wanting comfort and no one ever gave me a moments peace. God looked at me, with love in his eyes. He smiled and said you didn't have me beside you because I was all around you, holding you. And my child, if you want to be consoled why didn't you simply ask? I thought about this in a selfish rage for a minute or two. Watched the sparrows fly by as they landed in the mornings dew. So small were they yet they did fine, he must love me if he can sustain this all. I looked up at him and cried as I buried my head within his breast. He held me close rocking me too and fro. "You are my joy, you are my reason for the earth. I knew your name then as I do now. Come and find your rest in me weary traveler."

"For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him." -Psalm 34:7

Wonder

I just love when God puts me just simply in wonder of him like he has today! He is sooo amazing!! So when I found this picture I knew it just perfectly defined the picture of absolutely pure, untarnished wonder!

I can't believe what grace what mercy finds me. What passion holds me still. I am bought for, not sold out. I am precious to my beloved. For they are jealous of me. Wanting an encounter from me.

Just not a one sided conversation set to melodic key. What humility bore my pain and made me new again. What joy encompasses me, to set me a flame. A burning fire, an eternal flame. What beauty surrounds me, in the bleak and barren times. Like a waterfall constantly flowing on, drowning me in him and his love. What a saviour that you would find me: imperfect, hurt, hypocritical, depressed, unlovely. What a saviour that though you found me in such decay that you took me and made me new. What a love that you sustain me now.

"And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven." -Matthew 18:3-4

Organized Chaos

So, tonight was so so bitter-sweet. It was a night that was necessary, I guess. Nothing can stay the same. Because without change, nothing new can ever happen. While we are loosing our youth pastor and his wife, we are keeping and maintaining two amazing friends who are so much more than what the word "friend" can justify in it's meaning. God will preserve not only that friendship but the spiritual bond, as a family in Christ, that we share. Nothing can change that, neither angels or demons. The Love of the Saviour will hold us together.

Chaotic, unpredictable; like the crashing ocean wave. It rages on and on without any set out pattern or rhythm. There is no visible line or set theory. It's purpose, visible, yet unseen. We can't determine when or how far it will go. But we can clearly see it's effects. A life touching another throughout history, a heart touching another in a time of need. This chaos called life. It is unpredictable, yet organized in some kind of order. We can't manage our life like some aristocrat. It can't be put under a bushel, like a flame. But it can be put out like one, in the blinking of an eye. The passing of a second. Something so strong, but it can be exterminated. This Organized chaos is what we have, and only one knows where it's path leads. He holds the keys to every door and every window. He shall not steer me wrong.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11

The Beat of My Heart

So before I post this let me just say: this isn't directed to any person in particular it's simply just what I've noticed; and if you are offended by it I guess we know whose heart God is dealing with. Also, I love to dance but not in a way that could be mistaken for sexual intercourse.

I take one step, she takes another. We could leave it in this simple rhythm, but that would be too clean. Too well pressed and mannered. No, I need to be let loose. In a wild frenzy of fleshly moves. A seductive salsa dancer, dancing to a beat that should never have been played. A beat that was not meant to be taken in the way that it's being used. A melody that's been tarnished and scarred by this world. The clean white coat, stained by just the one drop of deep scarlet wine. Was it really worth this. To bring in a new song a new melody, from this old broken one. How can a destroyed melody teach a note how to form an orchestra? How can a broken heart guide a hurting one?

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your Life." -Proverbs 4:23