Music of Ages.

Listened to a piano playing and this came to my mind. He is the creator of music and without him there is no music, no words, and no inspiration.

Music of ages play for me. Music of ages burn in me, sing a melody for me. Sing in me giving me the rhyme, the lyric to say. To speak new life into this place. A major chord to bring them in and a minor chord to awe them with. Give to me your song, your voice and pattern. When they hear my melody may your chorus ring through loud and clear. Music of ages play for me.

"He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less." -John 3:30

Jealousy

For some reason the beginning lyrics to "How He Loves" was really choking me up tonight. So I decided to write down what I felt. Not coming up with much of anything I finally felt like I heard this in the ear of my heart.

I'm not jealous of you to ruin your fun or to hurt you. My desire is to protect you, my child and my bride. To regain what was lost along Eden's banks; to be intimate with you is what I desire of you. So jealous is what I shall be. Jealous beyond the grave.

"The Lord your God is a devouring fire; he is a jealous God." -Deuteronomy 4:24

Form Me

Beautiful like a piece of freshly cooled glass, just out of the fire, blown into it's perfect shape. Unlike it you are strong, as strong and fierce as iron fresh from the furnaces that temper it. This is such a definition of you. You are beautiful and soft to the touch but you are as strong as the strongest iron, protecting yourself and your people from the darts that would attack. Though I break, though this vase busts you are constant. No one can destroy you, your beauty, your terrible beauty. So take me immaculate one and utterly destroy me and remake me O potter. Make me what you would want to be, so that by me the world can see the work of the chief architect. Take me, break me, spin me, and melt me all so that I may be molded, formed, and dried into what you will. Take out these imperfections that get in the way, hallelujah to the chief architect! Praise his handy work! It is made of the finest materials and it endures though the wind and waves may dash at it. Hallelujah to he who formed me!

"For this is what the Lord of Heaven's Armies says: In just a little while I will again shake the heavens and the earth, the oceans and the dry land." -Haggai 2:6

A Definition of Love

Our world has so many different definitions of love. The culture that surrounds us tries to tell us what love is. But what's awesome? I know what real love is!

An overused word, used at the drop of a hat so that it has lost it's meaning. It's definition confused. Love and lust were never meant to be confused one for the other. We assume that since there is a strong emotion behind what we're feeling towards someone that, that emotion must be love. For as it has always been said love conquers all and therefore is strongest of all emotions. While true don't blame the emotion you're experiencing on love. We've grown up in a generation that has fooled itself, but what reason had we to not? Our parents generation was just as corrupt. But that doesn't cut it. We can't unload the blame on our parents generation, though they did misinterpret the word. We try to put an elaborate mist around love and make it mysterious and hard to figure out it's meaning. The meaning of love is simple. A tree. Within a tree, the meaning of love was found. And unlike what we have come to call love this is unconditional, and no matter the situation it never changes. So the only unfathomable question that could be in the heart is why. Well, doesn't a father always love his children?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8

photo courtesy of Caitlin Sattler

O Sleeper

Well it's been a long time since I've posted on here! Had writers block lately I guess! But yeah, I wrote this today after just thinking about how we as the Church can play "church" so well that we forget that we're Christians and can actually lull ourselves to sleep with our fake doctrines and such. Which is probably one of the main problems facing the Church in my generation. So... yeah here goes nothing!

O Sleeper, when will you rise? The Earth how she quakes, the sky crimsoning! But this isn't the end, no not yet. You sleep in peace, or what you've come to call peace, as the world around you shakes and as the world around you burns. O Sleeper, the labor pains have come! O precious fear, o precious end. What? So you still refuse to wake, as the cold grows dark and the dark grows deep. O Sleeper, rise! The eastern sky has now broken wide with a ramming blast. And for Saint and Sinner alike the past come to be shown. O Sleeper, what was the point? While you slept you lulled the world around you into a coma. You lulled yourself into the night. Only to find day break too soon and you unprepared, o Sleeper.

"... Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead and Christ will give you light." -Ephesians 5:14

The Call.

So today I was watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. And Lucy finally goes chasing after Aslan in a desperate attempt to find him. He asks her why didn't she come looking for him earlier. Her reply? The others called it foolish. And so, we are this way.

I hear the call, clear as day and chiming like a bird of the morning. But this world calls this call foolish and mythological. It's impossible is their reply. Stated like children who think themselves to grown up to play. But I, I will search for Judah's Lion. I will go when I hear it's voice. It is loud like the crashing of thunder, yet soft and sweet like the cooing of a dove. So I will constantly return to the call of this voice. No matter how far away, loud or soft the resonating chords may play. I will endure the journey, because at the journeys end I will find myself. For if I ignore this voice, doom is sure to follow me. So to the Lion of Judah, I will be a devoted follower. To this voice in my head I will listen, no matter how nonsensical it may sound to the world. Because it's this voice that will ultimately lead me home.

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!" -Isaiah 6:8

Hands

Our generation could really learn a lot from the book of Daniel. It seems to be how we try to be.

So our generation hasn't bee punished for it yet. The scary part is that the King fell at the very height of his power. Be careful America.

Happy happy day, the wine is pouring sweet. Why stop we here? Why stop we at all? Into the goblets it can go, ignore the hands of those around that warn of our destruction that foretell our own doom. But this is how we want it to be. So we raise the party lights and we clang our golden globes. Well round and round and round it goes. So you complained of your bad dreams and wondered why they happened. But you ignored the hands, you ignored, oh you ignored. So you finally saw the sketching on your pearly walls but it was all too late, much much too late. So this is the way it goes and what else can you expect? Because you ignored the hands, the rapturous ghostly hands.

"This is what these words mean: Mene means 'numbered' - God has numbered the days of your reign and has brought it to an end." -Daniel 5:26

Time.

I was thinking about Kari tonight, reading through some of the wall posts on her page. You were such an awesome person my friend. I just wish we would have had a little longer with you. You are missed. We love you.

Your beginning and your end are not the things that end up being what matters. It's what happened everywhere in between that made and continue to makes you who you are. Your beginning can't define you because you had nothing to do with it. It just so happened that you were there and so, you were. Your end has just as little to do with who you are, it is often out of our control. It happens almost always outside of our realm of view, making us powerless to alter it. But it's what happened in between these two points in time that make up you. The good things you did, and the good things you didn't do. The decisions you made for yourself and for others. Even if you didn't realize you were making a decision when the most important ones were made. This is what makes you who you were my friend. So we thank you for how you lived and loved. Because you loved, oh you loved. And let's not forget to those who love, true life is given. Though, let's not trick ourselves, trials do come. But the rest of your history is made substantial by how you handle these moments. So thank you for being you, even if what was in between was short for you it was lived to the fullest. And that, my friend, is more than many can say in a hundred years.

"Everything has its own time, and there is a specific time for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pull out what was planted." -Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

Autumn

Things aren't quite as they have always been. But I don't really think I need to point that out to anyone even if they don't know anything about me at all. This year has been weird but without it I don't think i'd have the faith that I have right now. It's amazing how such horrible events and sad times can bring about something so true and beautiful. Which goes to prove that nothing is impossible for God. Even though it feels like it to us sometimes.

Beauty is in this, though it looks like their is dying all around me. A spiritual autumn is what it appears to be. But the best thing about this season is all of the hidden joys you can find. Though the chills may come you still have the warm summer memories to look forward to. And even though you feel like giving up, winter is the only thing ahead; you forget that spring follows the winter. A birth of life unlike any other seen in all of creation. For out of this deadness and hurting I find new life. Out of the Autumn is set up a new seed that once it begins to grow cannot be destroyed. It can't be tempted by the old things, it's too good for that. For you have been brought into a place of happiness from your sorrow. And out of mourning you have found joy.

And he who was seated upon the throne said: "Behold I make all things new!" -Revelation 21:5

Don't Cry!

So I haven't posted on here in a while... My bad. I had switched over to Tumblr for a while but it seems all is on there is a bunch of stupid crap for the most part so I will probably start to post on here again. WOOO!! In Shakespeare class right now... bored and this computer is about to die so I should probably get off because I still have to check my gmail. So... peace!

From shadow and death I have fled

Out of pain and lonliness I have been found

Such amazing love that comforts me

To be found in grace and power!

For you alone make all things new and in you I am restored!

In you I find my will to go on!

Out of desperation came my salvation!

Candle

So there are few times that I am speechless in my life. But when I found out that one of my friends died, I did find myself at a stand still for words. All that would come out of me were tears. So this is for you my friend.

You bore your candle with dignity and a way that many are jealous of. Winds blew, let's not joke and say they didn't. But you knew how to handle the wind, and never did you put the bushel over your light. You let it burn bright for all to see around you. We wonder where and when our wick's end will come, but we never expect them to come at such a time as this. For such a short time your candle burned with a passion many beings never seem to experience in a life time of existing. For you didn't exist, you lived. Everyday was new and it was the promise of a new beginning, and you knew that. You carried your candle to the very end of the road, an unreasonably short road. So with heavy hearts we say goodbye to this bright light.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." -2 Timothy 4:7

Dedicated to Kari Wynn Denson 1991-2009

Christmas

Thinking about this Holiday season and all the feelings, thoughts and emotions that come and go with it. I don't know how to describe this day but I am going to try in the next few sentences.

Another Christmas has come and gone. Things don't seem too different than last year, but at the same time it feels like another world. Many worries have come and gone while others have been introduced, new and unknown. But on this day that just passed by I can't help but smile in spite of any clouds that loom around and about me. These clouds, all of these, just seem to fade away ever 25th of December. Where a broken family is made whole again, and hurting hearts are mended. It's the one day where it's ok to be as childish as you can be, no matter what your real age happens to be. A joy so unexplainable, untouchable, but ever present seems to soak this day through. Permeating it through and through. What's the cause of this happiness? One might stop to ponder this when thinking about this, most blessed of days. This is the result of a love that was more than love that brought a peace that no other has ever been able to measure up to. It's the day a baby came to earth, a God-King in his right but he gave it all up. So that we can see this, the glimpse of the Father's Heart.

Then the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of a David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger." And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!" -Luke 2:10-14

Yahweh

So, I was listening to the song Yahweh by Hillsong today; or well sorta I was watching an exerpt from the Faith + Hope + Love CD/DVD. And the preacher was talking about what God's name means. I love how he said that in the bible God has over 270 names. That got me to thinking about how our names mean so much to us. Our name is what gives us our identity. Thus explaining why having one's identity "stolen" is such a big deal. But our God the one who made us can't even be summed up in one name or title; because if you were to sum him up in a word it wouldn't even come close to explaining who he really is. How is that for awesome? Besides, even if this wasn't even a point look at the meaning of his name(s). Like Jehovah Shalom, Prince of Peace! Jehovah Rophe, healer! His name(s) speak his love and mercy toward his creation. It shows his never failing love and how it has remained constant throughout the centuries, no matter what regimes have existed upon the earth. He is El Shaddai, God all sufficient. And I don't know about you but I need an all sufficient saviour, because I am weak and weary and life can get me down. But he is there from everlasting to everlasting. And when we need someone to lean on and to feel whole in he is Jehovah Nissi, the Lord our banner! And due to what he did some 2000 plus years ago he is Yeshua, our saviour. Who never grows tired or weary. That's the God that I serve.

"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulders. And his name shall be called: Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." -Isaiah 9:6

Desperate Need.

As of lately very few things seem all that permanent in my life. I am so worried at times while at the same time I am excited. I am just trying to remember the excited part right now and ignore most of the worry. Oh and as for the picture with this, I thought hey everyone wants something or is after something. And like Dorothy we just need to ask, only we just need to ask God.

In a state of loneliness and fear, I am found. In a cocky tone I ask: Where have you been all this time? I was hurting and no one was their beside me, I was wanting comfort and no one ever gave me a moments peace. God looked at me, with love in his eyes. He smiled and said you didn't have me beside you because I was all around you, holding you. And my child, if you want to be consoled why didn't you simply ask? I thought about this in a selfish rage for a minute or two. Watched the sparrows fly by as they landed in the mornings dew. So small were they yet they did fine, he must love me if he can sustain this all. I looked up at him and cried as I buried my head within his breast. He held me close rocking me too and fro. "You are my joy, you are my reason for the earth. I knew your name then as I do now. Come and find your rest in me weary traveler."

"For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him." -Psalm 34:7

Wonder

I just love when God puts me just simply in wonder of him like he has today! He is sooo amazing!! So when I found this picture I knew it just perfectly defined the picture of absolutely pure, untarnished wonder!

I can't believe what grace what mercy finds me. What passion holds me still. I am bought for, not sold out. I am precious to my beloved. For they are jealous of me. Wanting an encounter from me.

Just not a one sided conversation set to melodic key. What humility bore my pain and made me new again. What joy encompasses me, to set me a flame. A burning fire, an eternal flame. What beauty surrounds me, in the bleak and barren times. Like a waterfall constantly flowing on, drowning me in him and his love. What a saviour that you would find me: imperfect, hurt, hypocritical, depressed, unlovely. What a saviour that though you found me in such decay that you took me and made me new. What a love that you sustain me now.

"And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven." -Matthew 18:3-4

Organized Chaos

So, tonight was so so bitter-sweet. It was a night that was necessary, I guess. Nothing can stay the same. Because without change, nothing new can ever happen. While we are loosing our youth pastor and his wife, we are keeping and maintaining two amazing friends who are so much more than what the word "friend" can justify in it's meaning. God will preserve not only that friendship but the spiritual bond, as a family in Christ, that we share. Nothing can change that, neither angels or demons. The Love of the Saviour will hold us together.

Chaotic, unpredictable; like the crashing ocean wave. It rages on and on without any set out pattern or rhythm. There is no visible line or set theory. It's purpose, visible, yet unseen. We can't determine when or how far it will go. But we can clearly see it's effects. A life touching another throughout history, a heart touching another in a time of need. This chaos called life. It is unpredictable, yet organized in some kind of order. We can't manage our life like some aristocrat. It can't be put under a bushel, like a flame. But it can be put out like one, in the blinking of an eye. The passing of a second. Something so strong, but it can be exterminated. This Organized chaos is what we have, and only one knows where it's path leads. He holds the keys to every door and every window. He shall not steer me wrong.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11

The Beat of My Heart

So before I post this let me just say: this isn't directed to any person in particular it's simply just what I've noticed; and if you are offended by it I guess we know whose heart God is dealing with. Also, I love to dance but not in a way that could be mistaken for sexual intercourse.

I take one step, she takes another. We could leave it in this simple rhythm, but that would be too clean. Too well pressed and mannered. No, I need to be let loose. In a wild frenzy of fleshly moves. A seductive salsa dancer, dancing to a beat that should never have been played. A beat that was not meant to be taken in the way that it's being used. A melody that's been tarnished and scarred by this world. The clean white coat, stained by just the one drop of deep scarlet wine. Was it really worth this. To bring in a new song a new melody, from this old broken one. How can a destroyed melody teach a note how to form an orchestra? How can a broken heart guide a hurting one?

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your Life." -Proverbs 4:23

A Writers Heart

My friend Caitlin wrote this. But like she said, it was inspired by God. And it's so so true. It really did inspire me! So, I had no part in it's writing but I TOTALLY know this emotion:

Lately, I’ve been trying to find the right words to pen down, a paragraph of something beautiful for the One I love. I had this burden to write, but no words were flowing down the page. Frustrated, I balled up so many pieces of paper and scratched through so many thoughts and ideas. I had my head in my hands, my notebook tossed across my bedroom floor in frustration, and my heart still burdened by this desire to create and write something. Out of nowhere, I heard God say to me:

“Listen, my child. You don’t have to do a thing. I simply enjoy you. I love looking over your shoulder as you doodle those crazy things in your notebook. I enjoy watching your pen travel down the page in excitement when I give you a new idea. I love gazing at the fire in your eyes and the determination on your face as you write. I especially love it when you lean back in your chair, sigh, and look up at Me because I know you are looking at Me for more ideas, like you are doing now. So have peace, My darling. This burden in your heart is not to write. It’s Me, and I just want to spend a little time with you. Toss the notebook aside, put the cap on the pen, and let me tug on your heart a little longer…”

Covered by the Blood

So, this won't be one of the happiest things I've ever written... Life is that way now and then. It has it's ups and it's downs. Time is partial to no one, not even God's people. The past few weeks have been hard, there's no other way to sum them up. But through it all I know God is there and he's bigger than my simple misfortunes and worries.

Part 1: School.
If you know me, you will also know that it's my senior year. So much is changing so fast... and I have no control over any of it. It's weird to me that in just a few short months that all that I know will be changed forever. Many people who I love dearly, I will never see again in this life. I'll be moving on to new places with new faces. At the same time I am more excited than I've ever been in my life. I don't even know how to explain how exhilarating it is to think about. But Satan has been using this to get at me. He knows my insecurities and tried to pray on them. He tried to bring me down so that I can't accomplish what God has for me. I have news for him: it hasn't and will not work. God is my rock on which I stand. No power rather of heaven, hell, or earth shall overcome him. So this part is no longer an issue. I claim this case as shut. On the folder it reads: "COVERED BY THE BLOOD".

Part 2: Family.
My family doesn't always get along, let's be honest, whose really does at all times? I do not belong to the Brady Bunch or the Cleaver's. We don't always see eye to eye. And we don't always like each other. But when it comes right down to it we are always there for each other. They are mine. My Dad has been sick since right before I started my high school career. He has back problems that aren't getting better, actually they are getting worse it seems. These constant bouts of pain can make him irritable. Other people who shall remain nameless in this blog use this as a reason to blame him for problems. The next thing isn't very major to the rest of the world I guess, but to me it is. We're putting my dog to sleep this weekend because he can no longer walk unassisted. While this wouldn't be enough to make me truly depressed by itself, it is definitely something that can add to growing problems. Not very manly to admit, but it's true. Besides in God's own word it says: Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.*1 Peter 5:7* So even though this hasn't been resolved yet, and while there are even more problems I didn't even bother to mention in here because I promise this isn't a pity party, I am going to say about this subject: "COVERED BY THE BLOOD".

Part 3: Church Family.
Tonight was the most difficult night of church I have ever had to endure to say the least. We found out that our Youth Pastor, his Wife, our Children's Pastor, and his wife all had to be let go because of lack of funding in the church. I could probably react to this in so many different ways. I mean this people ARE MY FAMILY. I've known them for years and they've changed me and helped me to grow in so many ways that I can't really even begin to tell you what all they've done for me. I could be bitter, sad, mad, annoyed, or depressed. All of these emotions wouldn't be weird for me to feel about our situation. But God is there through this situation. I know I have a duty to my youth ministry. God has given me, as well as the other youth in my youth ministry, a calling. A calling that I can't deny. And until I can use that calling to it's fullest extent I have a duty and a calling for Fuel Student Ministries. As long as the doors are open it's not too late. What's awesome? When God closes one door he opens another. Well, there are about 6 doors at my church that just got closed due to people either being let go or moving due to military orders. So I can only begin to imagine what he has for us. We have come way too far, grown far too much to let this go. The going isn't going to be easy for the next few months, possibly for the next year. But God has something not only for Fuel but for Pastor Allen and Ms. Shannon, Pastor Bryan and Lila. He put a calling on their lives that hasn't finished. He has something sooo much better for them, and while I hate to let them go I know that it's only because I'm selfish. And I am, when I love people I don't want to let them go. But this is God's way of saying it's time for yall to move on and while it's hard. It'll be ok. Just know that we love you guys. You are constantly in our hearts and minds and we can't wait to hear what God is going to do with yall. *hopefully he'll decide to keep you at FWC though :D* haha.
So like the rest all I have to say is: "COVERED IN THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB!!!".

"For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39