A Writers Heart

My friend Caitlin wrote this. But like she said, it was inspired by God. And it's so so true. It really did inspire me! So, I had no part in it's writing but I TOTALLY know this emotion:

Lately, I’ve been trying to find the right words to pen down, a paragraph of something beautiful for the One I love. I had this burden to write, but no words were flowing down the page. Frustrated, I balled up so many pieces of paper and scratched through so many thoughts and ideas. I had my head in my hands, my notebook tossed across my bedroom floor in frustration, and my heart still burdened by this desire to create and write something. Out of nowhere, I heard God say to me:

“Listen, my child. You don’t have to do a thing. I simply enjoy you. I love looking over your shoulder as you doodle those crazy things in your notebook. I enjoy watching your pen travel down the page in excitement when I give you a new idea. I love gazing at the fire in your eyes and the determination on your face as you write. I especially love it when you lean back in your chair, sigh, and look up at Me because I know you are looking at Me for more ideas, like you are doing now. So have peace, My darling. This burden in your heart is not to write. It’s Me, and I just want to spend a little time with you. Toss the notebook aside, put the cap on the pen, and let me tug on your heart a little longer…”

Covered by the Blood

So, this won't be one of the happiest things I've ever written... Life is that way now and then. It has it's ups and it's downs. Time is partial to no one, not even God's people. The past few weeks have been hard, there's no other way to sum them up. But through it all I know God is there and he's bigger than my simple misfortunes and worries.

Part 1: School.
If you know me, you will also know that it's my senior year. So much is changing so fast... and I have no control over any of it. It's weird to me that in just a few short months that all that I know will be changed forever. Many people who I love dearly, I will never see again in this life. I'll be moving on to new places with new faces. At the same time I am more excited than I've ever been in my life. I don't even know how to explain how exhilarating it is to think about. But Satan has been using this to get at me. He knows my insecurities and tried to pray on them. He tried to bring me down so that I can't accomplish what God has for me. I have news for him: it hasn't and will not work. God is my rock on which I stand. No power rather of heaven, hell, or earth shall overcome him. So this part is no longer an issue. I claim this case as shut. On the folder it reads: "COVERED BY THE BLOOD".

Part 2: Family.
My family doesn't always get along, let's be honest, whose really does at all times? I do not belong to the Brady Bunch or the Cleaver's. We don't always see eye to eye. And we don't always like each other. But when it comes right down to it we are always there for each other. They are mine. My Dad has been sick since right before I started my high school career. He has back problems that aren't getting better, actually they are getting worse it seems. These constant bouts of pain can make him irritable. Other people who shall remain nameless in this blog use this as a reason to blame him for problems. The next thing isn't very major to the rest of the world I guess, but to me it is. We're putting my dog to sleep this weekend because he can no longer walk unassisted. While this wouldn't be enough to make me truly depressed by itself, it is definitely something that can add to growing problems. Not very manly to admit, but it's true. Besides in God's own word it says: Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.*1 Peter 5:7* So even though this hasn't been resolved yet, and while there are even more problems I didn't even bother to mention in here because I promise this isn't a pity party, I am going to say about this subject: "COVERED BY THE BLOOD".

Part 3: Church Family.
Tonight was the most difficult night of church I have ever had to endure to say the least. We found out that our Youth Pastor, his Wife, our Children's Pastor, and his wife all had to be let go because of lack of funding in the church. I could probably react to this in so many different ways. I mean this people ARE MY FAMILY. I've known them for years and they've changed me and helped me to grow in so many ways that I can't really even begin to tell you what all they've done for me. I could be bitter, sad, mad, annoyed, or depressed. All of these emotions wouldn't be weird for me to feel about our situation. But God is there through this situation. I know I have a duty to my youth ministry. God has given me, as well as the other youth in my youth ministry, a calling. A calling that I can't deny. And until I can use that calling to it's fullest extent I have a duty and a calling for Fuel Student Ministries. As long as the doors are open it's not too late. What's awesome? When God closes one door he opens another. Well, there are about 6 doors at my church that just got closed due to people either being let go or moving due to military orders. So I can only begin to imagine what he has for us. We have come way too far, grown far too much to let this go. The going isn't going to be easy for the next few months, possibly for the next year. But God has something not only for Fuel but for Pastor Allen and Ms. Shannon, Pastor Bryan and Lila. He put a calling on their lives that hasn't finished. He has something sooo much better for them, and while I hate to let them go I know that it's only because I'm selfish. And I am, when I love people I don't want to let them go. But this is God's way of saying it's time for yall to move on and while it's hard. It'll be ok. Just know that we love you guys. You are constantly in our hearts and minds and we can't wait to hear what God is going to do with yall. *hopefully he'll decide to keep you at FWC though :D* haha.
So like the rest all I have to say is: "COVERED IN THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB!!!".

"For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Romans 8:38-39

Potter

I was listening to the song Finally I Surrender by Misty Edwards tonight. And this came into my mind. I want him to be the potter of me and my life as long as I have breath. It is my eternal prayer.

A lump of clay, a spot of mud. So unformed and incomplete, without any real shape or form. Then, the Potter comes. He comes and sets me upon his wheel; shapes, forms, and guides me. He smooths the rough edges and makes me new, takes me out of the mire I come from. When I give into the pressure, the prodding, I realize it's for my own good. To make me something new and worth while. Something, a vessel, that can be filled. Oh that I may be filled to overflowing. May I be filled 'til I cannot hold anything else.

-"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." - Proverbs 16:9